toilet paper 3I thought several days about this article and how to write it with out sounding sick in the head. It all started with my mom. See when I lived at home we went through a whole roll of toilet paper, sometimes two rolls in a day. Now I didn’t pay for it so it shouldn’t have been my concern, yet it was. because I kept thinking about the trees not only that I had to always get the new roll.

I have the same concerns about any paper. The toilet paper really bugged me and mom would say when you start buying it then you can tell me about it. Well right or not, we used a lot of toilet paper. So when I had my own place I found out that a single roll of toilet paper would last me a week to two weeks! What the heck was going on?

So she comes to visit me the first time. It was Friday so the roll that was ready was only 1/8th used. The next morning a NEW roll was on the holder. hmmm, I thought I was losing it. The next day another new roll was on! “MOM” so this went on several times over a few months. Finally I told her, “You have to bring your own toilet paper cause you use too much. Sorry that is just the way it is, anyone that uses that much toilet paper needs to buy their own.”

She not only agreed but she went out and bought a 12 roll pack that day and brought it to me. She said that should last her a year, well yeah depending on many days she stayed at my place, 12 rolls 6 days right? Let me tell you in 2015 she spent a lot more than 6 days here but in 2016 it has just been 24 hours so far.

I got this brilliant idea in my head. I was going to teach her how to use toilet paper the correct way. So I went in and got two sheets of paper, and folded them in half. I showed her three fingers and told her “the middle finger is to wipe the DEEP area and the two on each side are for the outside. She started laughing hysterically “I am not wiping with my fingers young man just to save your toilet paper.”

huh? I never said that! After she settled down I explained “you put the toilet paper over the three fingers and the first time you dig in deep. Then pull the paper out and fold it over. Then go for a second round. Doing this a talented person can some be perfectly clean by folding the paper 4 times.”

Seems that older people have other issues I was not aware of. So I said, “and to finish it off so you don’t stink use soothing sweet smelling baby wipes to finish off and throw that towelette into the trash can.” There is nothing like being behind a man or women in a McDonald’s line that has a smelly butt and believe me there are plenty of them. I know I am short. “Mom what is that smell? I don’t want to eat here something stinks!”

She glared at me. She was speechless.

I am sorry, whether you are a girl or a guy there is no reason to get a handful of toilet paper and wad it up to be clean. Do it right, save money, be a hero/heroine of your domain. After watching my mom’s expression for a couple of minutes. I realized I was taking to a wall.

So the next day I taught Paul how to wipe. And after my course I said you can go to the University and do classes on learning to wipe for teens and adults. At $10 each x 35 students 4x a year, you will be rich. Well I thought it was rich cause I am poor I guess.

I got the same thing from him. So I assume they are not going to change their ways, so I thought of an alternative!

I bet if they were wiping with this they would conserve paper!

toilet papertoilet paper 2

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Please wipe correctly – we only have ONE planet!

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5 Thoughts on “How To Wipe

  1. pauly10 on February 14, 2016 at 8:05 am said:

    Just hope you have STRONG paper or your finger will push through it as you wipe :p

  2. Bidet, they are great.

    • Remmy2013 on February 14, 2016 at 10:43 am said:

      I know what they are and thank you for reminding me. I am going to guess that most my readers are not millionaires with big houses and a 500 square foot bathrooms. My whole apartment isn’t 500 sqf. They need to learn to do it properly. Even if they have a bidet. 🙂

  3. Mel Leach on January 17, 2017 at 6:25 am said:

    EWWWWW

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