The Science of belly buttons, or Belly Button Science, has mostly been overlooked around the world. We take it for granted that it is a part of birth where the umbilical cord goes from the mother to the child and then when the child is born it is cut off, leaving the belly button. But not so, say some scientists and older boys and girls that like to tease their younger siblings.

You have to remember that God created man out of mud, dirt, dust, water, and all sorts of yucky things. It was not an easy thing to do. To make everything work he had to go in and move things around, test them to make sure they worked, and then retest. This took many attempts. Now God is all powerful, he could create anything he wanted, but it still had to be tested. He was not going to have an inferior product, no sir-ree, it had to be perfect, just like you are.

So to make things easier he put in a belly button. This way he could undo the parts, move them around, and put them back together with just one screw, the belly button. If you unscrew the belly button your butt (or bum in England) will fall off, just ask my cousin who is an expert. However since you are not God, you would die. The belly button was not originally meant for man to mess around with. This was a pre-test screw only meant for God. It is true. After God tested all the parts and found it to be satisfactory, he had to have a reason for the belly button. He made it as a feeding tube. Imagine that. No more kids from storks or found in cabbage patches (which by the way we still hope works even in this day and age) No more found under a rock, and no more tad poles you kiss and turn into a frog… I mean a prince.

Heaven has spoken. So we are born with these cute little belly buttons that science still hasn’t found a reason for, although apparently they take it for granted that it as always been that way, which does not explain the storks. cabbage patch. or frog stories of the ancients. hmmm.

Now we know we shouldn’t unscrew the belly button, it is just something most kids will never think about. Or will they? When I was eight my cousins told me if that they unscrewed my belly button my butt would fall off and my guts would fall out unless a doctor were present to screw it back in. After all anyone can unscrew a belly button, but it takes an expert to get it back in place. Properly that is. While I was yelling and screaming for help they held me down, got a dime, and began to unscrew my belly button. I got the energy to fight them off and ran all the way home screaming. I went to my room and cried and then realized they were just messing with me, after all that could NOT be true.

Okay let’s not mess around any more. If you take a side view x-ray of anyone, and you have it set just right, you can see a thin line going to your behind. As you grow this line disappears. So that means my cousin was correct, God wanted everything perfect and the belly button was the only way he could make sure. Please do not experiment with this at home, and if so, only with a highly trained doctor at your side. If you try this with your younger siblings or some little kid, remember the hell you will get from your parents for it! Just so you know, if you do not wash your belly button well, it could cause an infection, that will rot out the screw head, and your butt will fall off, just saying!


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3 Thoughts on “Belly Button Science

  1. Steven Fritchie on July 21, 2018 at 2:17 pm said:

    Very informative and hilarious. But I say this with a very serious and doctoral face.

  2. pauly10 on July 22, 2018 at 2:36 pm said:

    That probably explains why I knew that it must serve a purpose other than for collecting fluff…


  3. Mel Leach on July 24, 2018 at 4:30 pm said:

    I have no words…

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